Breaking Free: How to Overcome the 10 Cognitive Distortions Common in ADHD and Anxiety
The Powerful Connection Between ADHD, Anxiety, and Distorted Thinking Patterns
Jessica stared at her inbox, overwhelmed by the 47 unread emails that had accumulated over the weekend. "I'll never catch up," she thought, feeling her chest tighten. "Everyone will think I'm incompetent. I always fall behind like this." As someone with ADHD and anxiety, Jessica wasn't just experiencing workplace stress—she was trapped in a web of cognitive distortions that magnified her challenges and diminished her ability to cope.
Does that scenario sound familiar? If you have ADHD, anxiety, or both, you're probably nodding right now. Our brains can be sneaky little tricksters, right? They twist reality, turning manageable problems into catastrophes and minor setbacks into evidence of personal failure.
I call these mental traps "cognitive distortions," and they act as invisible barriers between us and our potential. The good news? Once we can spot these distortions, we can start to dismantle them. Let's work together to create space for more balanced, realistic thinking that supports rather than sabotages our efforts.
Understanding the ADHD-Anxiety-Distortion Connection
Here's something I've learned both personally and professionally: many of us with ADHD develop anxiety after years of negative experiences, criticism, and perceived failures. This anxiety then generates thought patterns that intensify our emotional reactions and reinforce negative beliefs about ourselves and the world.
Did you know approximately 50% of adults with ADHD also experience some form of anxiety disorder? That's what Dr. Roberto Olivardia, a clinical psychologist and lecturer at Harvard Medical School, tells us. This creates what I call a perfect storm for cognitive distortions—those inaccurate thoughts that automatically influence our emotions and behaviors.
Let's explore the ten most common cognitive distortions we experience with ADHD and anxiety. I'll share practical strategies to overcome each one. Ready to break free?
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
The Distortion: You see situations in black-and-white terms—something is either perfect or a complete failure.
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "I missed one deadline, so I'm totally unreliable."
Sound familiar? I've been there too. Here's what helps me:
Practice the gray area technique: When you catch yourself thinking in extremes, consciously identify three points on the spectrum between the two extremes. There's rarely just black or white!
Use a rating scale: Instead of labeling something as "perfect" or "terrible," rate it on a scale from 1-10. This forces your brain to acknowledge nuance.
Create a partial success journal: Take five minutes daily to write down three things you did partially well, even if imperfect. I keep mine by my bed.
Develop completion criteria: Before starting tasks, define what "good enough" looks like rather than aiming for perfection. This has been a game-changer for me!
Use the "both/and" approach: Train yourself to see how something can be both challenging AND have positive aspects. Try saying it out loud: "This report is both challenging AND an opportunity to show my research skills."
2. Catastrophizing
The Distortion: You expect disaster; believing that the worst possible outcome is the most likely.
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "If I'm late to this meeting, I'll probably get fired, and then I won't be able to pay my mortgage."
I used to catastrophize constantly! Here's what's helped me tame this distortion:
Play the probability game: Assign actual percentages to various outcomes. What's the real likelihood of getting fired for being late once? Probably less than 1%.
Create a "disaster scale": Rate potential negative outcomes from a 1 (minor inconvenience) to 10 (true disaster). Most things we worry about are a 3 at most!
Practice the "what then?" technique: Follow the catastrophic thought to its conclusion, then develop contingency plans. This helps you see you could handle even the worst-case scenario.
Implement the "past evidence" approach: Recall similar situations from your past and their actual outcomes. How many catastrophes actually came true?
Use grounding techniques: When catastrophic thoughts arise, engage your senses (name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, etc.). This pulls you back to reality.
Develop a "reality check buddy": I have a friend I can text when I'm spiraling. Sometimes just saying "Do you think this is as bad as I think?" helps tremendously.
3. Disqualifying the Positive
The Distortion: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count."
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "Sure, I finished that project on time, but that was just luck. Anyone could have done it."
I'm still working on this one! Here's what's helping:
Start a "wins" document: I keep a running list of accomplishments, successes, and positive feedback that I review when I'm feeling down. It's like evidence against my negative thoughts.
Practice the "if it were someone else" technique: Consider how you would view the accomplishment if it were achieved by someone you respect. Would you dismiss their success?
Implement a daily "I did well" reflection: Each evening, identify three things you did well that day, no matter how small. I do this while brushing my teeth.
Collect and save positive feedback: Create a folder in your email or a box for notes containing praise or thanks. I call mine my "happy folder."
Challenge dismissive thoughts: When you catch yourself dismissing a compliment or achievement, pause and write down three factors that contributed to your success.
Create success analysis sheets: For major accomplishments, document the skills, efforts, and strategies that led to your success. Reference these when that inner critic pipes up!
4. Emotional Reasoning
The Distortion: You believe that what you feel must be true—if you feel incompetent, then you must be incompetent.
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "I feel overwhelmed, so this task must be impossible for me."
This one is tricky! Here's what helps me separate feelings from facts:
Practice emotional labeling: Name your emotions specifically (frustrated, anxious, disappointed) rather than letting them define reality. Just saying "I'm feeling overwhelmed" instead of "This is overwhelming" creates valuable distance.
Implement the feeling vs. fact exercise: Create two columns to distinguish between what you feel and what objective evidence shows. I sometimes do this on my phone notes app.
Use the physical sensation technique: Recognize when emotions manifest physically (tight chest, rapid breathing) to create distance between the feeling and reality. "My chest is tight" is different from "I'm going to fail."
Create an emotions-behavior log: Track instances when emotions influenced your perception, noting the actual outcomes later. Patterns will emerge!
Develop "even though" statements: Practice saying, "Even though I feel X, the reality is Y." For example: "Even though I feel behind, the reality is I'm on schedule."
Try the observer technique: Imagine watching yourself and your emotions from a third-person perspective. What would that observer notice that you might be missing?
5. Jumping to Conclusions
The Distortion: You make negative interpretations without supporting facts.
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "My boss hasn't responded to my email yet. She must be upset with my work."
Been there, done that! Here's what helps:
Establish the "three explanations rule": Generate at least three possible explanations for any situation before accepting your initial negative conclusion. She could be in meetings, dealing with her own deadlines, or simply haven't gotten to emails yet.
Create a "fact-checking" worksheet: Document the evidence for and against your conclusion before deciding what's most likely. I keep a template in my journal.
Practice information gathering: Identify what additional information you would need to confirm your conclusion. Could you simply ask a clarifying question?
Use the "innocent until proven guilty" approach: Adopt the default position that neutral situations are neutral, not negative. This takes practice but gets easier!
Implement curiosity rather than judgment: When uncertain, approach the situation with questions rather than assumptions. What would you like to know?
Try the "reasonable person" test: Ask what a reasonable third party with all available information would conclude. What would your most level-headed friend say?
6. Labeling
The Distortion: You attach a negative label to yourself or others based on specific behaviors.
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "I forgot to pick up milk. I'm such an idiot."
Ouch! I know this one hurts. Here's how to be kinder to yourself:
Practice behavior-specific descriptions: Replace labels ("I'm lazy") with descriptions ("I didn't complete the task today"). This is so much more accurate!
Use the person-first language technique: Remind yourself that you are a person with ADHD, not an "ADHD person." Your condition doesn't define you.
Implement the "would you say it to a child?" test: Would you call a child an "idiot" for forgetting milk? I'm guessing no! Extend that same compassion to yourself.
Create a "qualities inventory": List your positive qualities to reference when negative labels arise. Keep it on your phone for easy access.
Practice compassionate reframing: Replace self-labeling with self-compassion ("I'm struggling with this task right now, and that's okay"). Talk to yourself like you'd talk to a friend.
Use the "teacher vs. critic" approach: Speak to yourself as a supportive teacher would, not a harsh critic. What would a good teacher say?
7. Magnification and Minimization
The Distortion: You exaggerate negatives and downplay positives.
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "Everyone noticed that I was fidgeting during the meeting, but no one cared about my good ideas."
I'm still working on this one! Here's what helps:
Practice the "shrink and grow" technique: Consciously "shrink" the importance of negative aspects and "grow" positive ones. I sometimes use my hands to physically demonstrate this to myself.
Implement balanced evaluations: For any situation, list equal numbers of positive and negative aspects. Force yourself to find the good!
Use the "spotlight effect" reminder: Remember that others are typically less focused on your flaws than you imagine. Most people are thinking about themselves, not you!
Create proportion diagrams: Draw a circle and divide it to visually represent how much of a situation was positive versus negative. Is that negative aspect really 90% of what happened?
Try the "one month from now" test: Consider whether this negative aspect will matter in one month, six months, or a year. Most won't!
Practice specific gratitude: Identify three specific positive elements in challenging situations. There's always something, even if it's just "I learned what not to do."
8. Mental Filtering
The Distortion: You focus exclusively on negative details while filtering out positives.
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "I got feedback on my report with nine positive comments and one suggestion for improvement, but all I can think about is that one criticism."
Our brains are velcro for negative and teflon for positive! Here's how to balance that:
Implement the "complete picture" exercise: Deliberately list all aspects of a situation, both positive and challenging. Don't let your brain be selective!
Use the "blue sky/cloud" metaphor: Remind yourself that focusing on one cloud makes you miss the entire blue sky. I sometimes literally look up to reset my perspective.
Practice active positive scanning: Intentionally look for positive elements in situations where you notice negatives. Make it a game to find at least three.
Create a "negativity filter" alert: Set up a mental alarm that triggers when you notice yourself focusing exclusively on negatives. What's your cue word? Mine is "rebalance."
Try the "photographer's lens" technique: Imagine zooming out to see the entire scene, not just the flawed details. What's the bigger picture?
Develop a "balanced review" habit: For any experience, note two positives for every negative you identify. This 2:1 ratio helps overcome our negative bias.
9. Should Statements
The Distortion: You hold rigid rules about how you and others should behave.
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "I should be able to focus like everyone else. I shouldn't need these accommodations."
Should statements are happiness thieves! Here's how I'm working on this:
Practice the "could vs. should" replacement: Replace "should" with "could" or "would like to" in your thoughts. Feel the difference in pressure!
Implement the "whose rule is this?" question: When a "should" appears, ask yourself where this rule came from and if it serves you. Many "shoulds" are other people's expectations we've internalized.
Develop a personal values clarification: Identify what truly matters to you versus societal expectations. Are you living by your values or someone else's?
Use the "self-compassion pause: When "should" statements arise, pause and speak to yourself with kindness about your unique challenges. Your brain works differently—and that's okay!
Create a "realistic expectations" worksheet: Document reasonable expectations given your specific circumstances and neurotype. What's actually realistic for you?
Try the "friend standard" approach: Would you hold a friend with ADHD to the same rigid standards? Probably not! Extend that same grace to yourself.
10. Personalization
The Distortion: You believe you are responsible for external events beyond your control.
How It Shows Up With ADHD: "The meeting went poorly because I wasn't prepared enough, even though everyone else was also unprepared."
Taking on too much responsibility? Here's what helps me:
Practice the "circle of control" exercise: Draw two circles—things you can control and things you cannot—and place concerns in the appropriate circle. Focus your energy on the inner circle.
Implement the "contribution pie": For any situation, create a pie chart showing all factors that contributed. Your slice is probably smaller than you think!
Use the "what percentage is mine?" technique: Realistically assess what percentage of responsibility is truly yours in any situation. Usually, it's way less than 100%.
Create an "alternative explanations" list: Generate multiple explanations for events that don't center on your actions. What else could have contributed?
Develop objective criteria for responsibility: Establish clear standards for when something is truly your responsibility. Did you have authority, resources, and knowledge to influence the outcome?
Try the "outside observer" perspective: What would an impartial observer say about your level of responsibility in this situation? They'd probably see a much more balanced picture.
Breaking Free from Cognitive Distortions: Your Action Plan
While identifying and challenging individual distortions is powerful, let's talk about a complete approach. Here's what's working for me and many of my clients:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Working with a therapist trained in CBT can provide structured support for identifying and changing thought patterns. It's been life-changing for me!
Mindfulness Practice: Even just 5 minutes of regular mindfulness meditation increases awareness of thoughts without automatically accepting them as true. I use the "leaves on a stream" visualization for my thoughts.
ADHD Coaching: An ADHD coach can help establish systems that reduce the impact of executive function challenges, decreasing opportunities for distortions. They'll help you build a life that works for YOUR brain.
Medication Management: For many of us, properly managed medication reduces ADHD symptoms that may contribute to anxiety and distorted thinking. It creates space between stimulus and response.
Community Support: Connecting with others who understand ADHD and anxiety provides perspective and normalized experiences. You're definitely not alone in these struggles!
Self-Compassion Practice: Developing a habit of self-kindness creates resilience against the harsh self-judgment that fuels many distortions. I start each day with a self-compassion moment.
The Path Forward
Cognitive distortions may be common among those of us with ADHD and anxiety, but they don't have to dictate our lives. By learning to recognize and challenge these thought patterns, we can develop a more balanced perspective that acknowledges both challenges and strengths.
Remember Jessica from our opening example? After learning to identify her cognitive distortions, she developed a new response to her overflowing inbox: "This is a lot of emails, but I've managed similar situations before. I'll prioritize the most important ones, schedule time blocks for responses, and ask for help if needed."
This shift—from distorted thinking to balanced assessment—represents the heart of cognitive restructuring. It doesn't eliminate challenges, but it creates space to respond effectively rather than react emotionally.
With practice and support, you can break free from the grip of cognitive distortions, allowing your true capabilities to shine through the clouds of anxiety and ADHD. I believe in you!
Have you recognized any of these thought patterns in your own life? Which strategies seem most helpful for your situation? I'd love to hear your experiences in the comments below. We're all in this together!
Until Next Time,
Rana
